National Grief Awareness Day
There are many misconceptions regarding what happens when a survivor decides to leave a violent relationship.
Leaving is like ripping a band aid off a wound.
The cut may appear to be healed on the surface but there is still healing to be done on the inside. During this healing journey, there are a lot of mixed emotions present. There is relief but there is also sadness, grief, love, and loss. Grieving is something that will happen and is usually not understood by family and friends due to the toxicity of the relationship.
A loss was suffered.
The survivor may be overwhelmed with the loss of who they thought their partner was. They may have lost themselves as a result. There is sadness due to losing the life they expected to have. They grieve the loss of their partner. Due to the isolation and control, they may have also lost loved ones.
This process is not linear.
This grief is a part of a survivor’s healing process. Grief arrives in waves. A survivor has suffered multiple losses up leaving. They may not be able to name the feeling, but it should not be minimized, discouraged, or discounted. No matter how toxic the relationship was, it was a relationship and there was love there.
There is this expectation that a survivor should be embracing their freedom.
That they should be happy because the abuser is out of the picture. It may be difficult to understand that they may be feeling sad and lonely; that they did experience a loss.
What can you do to support a survivor?
Listen without judgment. Give them space. Don’t offer advice. Validate their feelings. Encourage them to reach out to HAVEN. This is an important part of a survivor’s healing journey.
Help is only a phone call away.
If you, or anyone you know, is a victim of domestic violence, sexual assault, or human trafficking, please call HAVEN on our 24/7 crisis line at (209) 577-5980 or our business line at (209) 524-4331.